Why are people Different?

Although it seems like a silly question to ask, when you are wrapped up in yourself you spend more time thinking about why people aren’t like you, then you do about what makes other people unique.

As for me when I was living in my addiction, and even now, I need a reminder that people are different.  Here is what I mean by that.   People have different personality types, ways that they process information, ways that they feel loved, what they prioritize, what they are afraid of, and different struggles. 

Growing up I thought that my way was the best. If everyone did things like me, the world would not only become a better place, but there would be perfection.  It kind of makes me laugh now because my idea of perfection might be someone else’s idea of hell.  That never occurred to me in the addictive mindset, because my way and train of thought was all that mattered.  I thought that people who didn’t like sports were stupid and losers. I’m sure some of them are looking and laughing at me now.

I may have been the only self centered addict out there, but just in case there are a few more who are coming to this same realization that everyone is complex and completely different than us, I wanted to list out a few things that make people unique and special.  Granted this is not a full list of why people are different. These are internal things, not things we like to do or hobbies.

Temperament types:

Learning more about these is really helpful in understanding the differences in people.Sanguine (optimistic and social), Choleric (driven and decisive), Melancholic (analytical and detail-oriented), and Phlegmatic (calm and steady).

Information processing:

Internal vs External- And depending upon stress levels those ways of processing can flip!  I’m naturally an external processor, until I get stressed and then I process it all internally.

Love Languages:

Physical Touch

Gift Giving

Quality Time

Words of Affirmation

Acts of Service

Prioritization:

Whats on the top of your to do list.  Anyone that has worked a job or been in a relationship has experienced this.  People prioritize things differently even if given the same task list.   

Fears:

An example, my wife (former nurse) can whip around a room full of blood with someones heart rate dropping and run the dang show. While I would be in the corner frozen.   Now at the same time the minute a cockroach came running into the room she would be the one frozen until i got up and killed the darn thing.   Everyone is afraid of something but what you fear, I might not. 

Struggles:

I struggle with followthrough, people pleasing, and perfection (my own idea).  Name 5 people that you know and they each struggle with something different. 

I think what is unique about this addiction is it is men from all different backgrounds, personality types, etc.  That when they get honest about the struggle of sex addiction, they can all come together and speak the same language.  They can reach across the room and understand the man who is an internal processor.  Who prioritizes work over family.  The man who is Sanguine vs Choleric.

Hope this list is a helpful one for an addict to look at and realize that humans are extremely complex creatures.  This only touches the surface on what makes people unique and different.   This at least for me is a way to extend Grace as well. 

God Bless.