Yeah so this is much easier said than done. How do i find god, and if it was that easy I would have done it already.
Who is god? Does he even exist? How can I reach him? My lived experience getting to know God was something that I could’ve never imagined and something that I didn’t expect. But why does god have to be a part of recovery? Can’t I do this without “GOD”. Honestly without a personal experience with God I would’ve tried to do it all on my own. And there are times where I do and that’s where I notice struggles. From personal experience the reason God is so important to your recovery, is because without him you are not going to make it. (i’ve seen some people who have been able to recover from alcohol addiction without God, but haven’t seen any dealing with lust, doesn’t mean it cant happen but i wouldn’t bet on doing it alone.) When you surrender, he’s the one working behind the scenes fighting off lust. When you have God as your standard to follow, you don’t rely on your emotions or feelings in the moment that dictate your actions. Ask yourself, does god want me to act out? Or would he rather have me embrace this pain and work through it so I don’t need an artificial means of pain relief.
Another question to ask is what’s going to happen when I die? If the answer to that is nothing, then nothing we do here in this world really matters because there isn’t a purpose for later on. But if God is waiting for us after death then what we do here does matter, and trying to learn about him and how to have a relationship is important.
I used to think I was the center of the world, and everything revolved around me. Then Covid hit and changed my life. Living in California at the time my life was shut down. I used to go to restaurants, go to the beach, spend time with friends and family, and play and watch sports almost every day of the week. When Covid hit the downtown apartment that once was a luxury turned into a hellhole. Not being able to get out in the fresh air for fear of death, or killing someone else while still having to pay for all the things that I was no longer able to enjoy absolutely sucked. My wife and I decided to get out early and move to a new apartment right next to the beach, however at that time we still couldn’t walk along the beach and police were patrolling to make sure that everyone was following the rules. It’s amazing what a “crime” is when there are emergency procedures in place. Things slowly started to open bit by bit but without being able to do so many things that I once had enjoyed and needed in my life I started to wonder what else was there. Covid in Cali taught me that everything that you think you know, how the world operates and functions, can change in an instant. My life revolved around my work, sports, and things that I did. Once that all got shut down, I wondered when would things ever get back to being the same. I just wanted my life back, but had zero control over when that was going to happen. Something magical happened during that time of stress and despair, I started wondering what was the purpose of life. Was my purpose to sit in a tiny apartment the rest of my life? Was it to just wait and sit around until the state could tell me what I could and couldn’t do? There had to be more to life than the life that I was living. I had hit a bottom. And I needed help. I’m not sure exactly how it happened but I started to read my old LDS books. The book that I read was called doctrine and covenants. I would read a chapter a day just to find out just maybe if this God that I knew from my church and childhood actually existed. I had to find out for myself. I thought, what else do I have to lose? My life the life I knew might never come back, so if God does exist maybe there is another way
If you read the end of my story then you know how this one ends. A loving God coming out of nowhere when I didn’t deserve him and making me feel truly loved for the first time in my life. Like I mentioned earlier he is key to staying sober.
I like listening to apologetics or other Christians who cover this topic. I never quite looked at it this way. But whether you believe in god or you don’t, you have faith. Faith he exists or Faith he doesn’t. The other thing that really has helped me besides the personal experience, is asking where does morality come from? That helped me.
From the little tidbit of my story, once I knew that god existed, once i had enough evidence which in this case was an experience, that was all i needed to turn my life around. Now morality makes sense. These laws had a creator, my life had a purpose. And it wasn’t just for me to find the best way to experience selfishness.
So when I say find god, it’s looking for the one who created all this, you and me. He’s a lot more accessible than you’d think. And does an impeccable job of finding those who are in pain, struggling, and need help.
God has also been my #1 reason that I have been able to stay sober for as long as I have. It’s surrendering and calling on him when I am tempted or struggling. It’s his grace that gets me through the day to day.
Go get yourself some God!