These have been huge in getting a chance to connect with other men who are going through the same challenges that you are. Complete strangers that speak the same language that you do. From experience a lot of these men have struggled with inadequacy and self importance their entire lives and used sex to cover up that pain.
This tool took my recovery to the next level, because I wasn’t alone. It’s one thing to have friends to be there to support you, it’s a whole different level to have people who are experiencing the same pain, and trying to overcome the same challenges.
In these groups a typical meeting will have 10-40 people meeting at a time, so it gives you a good chance to listen and see who you connect with. I’ve been to multiple different recovery groups. Find one that you like and roll with it.
Side note as well (i’d avoid groups that let you define your own sobriety) If you could get sober on your own then you wouldn’t need to be here.
Going to these groups will not only help you recover from Lust addiction, but it will completely change your life in ways that you cannot imagine. The members of these groups are no different than you, people who have been in pain have turned to some form of sexual escape and want to stop acting out. It’s a group of people who want to turn their life around and get sober.
Going to support groups opens your eyes to see things in a different way. It also gives you instant connections with others who are struggling with the same things that you are struggling with. You think you are alone out there, or the only one with this problem, these groups are for others who know they have a problem and they want help.
Look up sex addiction groups online to see where there is one near you. It’s very nerve racking to do this at first. You’ve probably never talked about this problem to anyone before and now you are going in front of a group of people who are talking about it openly. In these groups you find honesty, willingness, and hope. Things that are opposite to living in addiction.
It’s a scary thing at first. My recommendation is to go, and just observe, share if you feel you want to. Not every 12-step group will be right for you. Check out different groups, you might like certain meeting formats better than others, certain literature you might find more helpful. The more that you can add to your toolbox the better you’ll be prepared when temptations come. Because they will always come, but now you have different ways of dealing with them.
I have had personal experience with 4 different 12 step groups and each one brings a different element to them. The first time I joined a group I thought a few things:
1) These guys were really messed up.
2) What I did wasn’t that bad in comparison.
3) Let me complete the program as fast as I can so I can get on with my life.
My first meeting was via zoom, so that personal connection was a little difficult and the amount of times that I would share would be minimal. When my wife and I left California, I started to attend in person meetings and those are a game changer. Being able to shake hands and talk personally after the meeting was such a blessing.
Being in person really helped me to change. The zoom meetings were helpful to listen and take notes, and now that I am farther down this road, I enjoy them as an additional meeting. But there is something about being in person that just changes the dynamic. It made a huge change in my life to start attending these meetings. I finally had groups of men that I could be vulnerable and honest with my struggles. In person connection with others gave me an outlet to talk about my problems free of judgment. Going to groups has taught me who am I to judge another person? All I need to do to find imperfection is look in the mirror. When I can remember that, I am able to give grace to others. All possible via recovery groups.
What you come to find out is that the other men in those groups are no different than you. Your stories might be different but the pain and the struggles are similar. You learn that connection and being open and honest with others is such an amazing thing. You no longer have to be alone anymore. You are not the only one struggling with this. Others in groups are there to help you and journey with you on this life journey of recovery. The best part is being able to get current and honest without having to worry about judgement. We are all broken, all in pain, all fighting a daily battle. These groups provide love and connection that we never knew existed. Also, the 12 steps of recovery will change your life, whatever program that you decide to join. Going to these groups you think it’s only going to help you fix your problem. What you find out is it’s going to help fix all of you. You get way more than you pay for. (oh, and its free to join most of those groups)