I was at lunch with a friend of mine a few weeks ago and he asked that question. My answer surprised him as it wasn’t as simple as a yes or no. It brought me back to the moment in marriage therapy when my counselor mentioned not acting out again. I’d had a few months of sobriety at that point but the thought of never acting out or watching pornography again seemed like a hill that was too hard to climb. Nervously I answered I don’t know if its possible to never act out again, as I had never been able to stop.
As a reflect now with an 6 year sobriety date approaching, I realized that I always try to do everything by myself. While its a good thing to be independent, there are times in life each and everyday where you are going to need help. As much as I try, I cannot do it alone. So the thought of staying sober forever by myself was a scary one, because I knew myself, and I wasn’t able to turn my life around or be stable all by myself.
There is also pressure to that question because if I say yes and then I fail, not only am I a failure but a liar as well. If I respond and say no, then it seems as if I am opening up the door to acting out. Which then will lead my wife to question me. So while yes is the easy black and white answer to the question and what I should strive for, I’ll dive into the details of how I answer that question today.
My answer is 2 fold.
Yes, if I continue to stay connected to god, my recovery community, and my family. If i keep practicing the things that got me here, and keep having a desire to recover from lust daily. Then I do like my chances to stay sober for the rest of my life.
However, if I start to slip on those things, and I get back into old habits, if I don’t prioritize god and my healing then my chances of acting out are going to be high. And so how I felt in my therapy session before I was able to fully utilize the recovery toolshed that god has provided would be how my chances would go.
On my own, I have strength and willpower but without God it wont last. So that for me is the key to staying sober for life, is staying connected to him.
But let me expand upon what it means for me to stay connected to God. Because he brought up a great point, well what about the moments where you don’t feel connected, where you feel abandoned? As long as I believe that I am not God and that the universe doesn’t revolve around me and that he is the one in charge and in control. I have to trust him, even when its hard or doesn’t make sense. When I know that he’s God and I am not thats what I mean by being connected. No matter what happens he’s God and I’m not. He’s in charge, I have to accept his will.
Thats how I will stay sober. because when those urges hit, back in the day I would feed them. I would say “I know i’m in a relationship but this feels good right now! ” Nope, when the urges hit, I surrender and say maybe this feels or would feel good now, but you (GOD) are telling me this is not okay, so I trust and accept your will. I am not God, you are.
That understanding, that connected relationship is what will keep me sober.
There are plenty of men who have gone before us who have achieved lifetime sobriety after recovery. It is possible. Even though I gave a complex answer to me its quite simple.
Connection with God= healing, recovery, and sobriety
Self absorption = acting out, disappointment, living a lie.
What are you going to choose today?
God Bless!
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.