This will come from attending 12 step groups. (but you also can have other men from church or in your life outside of groups as well) Meet a few guys that you connect with and work on your recovery together. Sharing and listening to others helps keep you sober. Its nice having some other human being that you can work with to stay on the right track. Having a list of contacts that are all working humbly towards the same goal is huge.
Eventually going to meetings and listening to others share, and sharing myself, I started to find people that I could relate to, that could share the struggle and share the willingness to recover. Most of the time when these partners would share, I would think that they were talking about me. The best part about this step is adding people in your life that you can grow with and to help you realize that you are not alone. You are not in the battle by yourself, there are others who can help you grow in recovery. It did take me a few months while attending the in-person group to seek out and start to gain accountability partners. What’s crazy about these people is that they come into your life from a place of vulnerability. They know the worst things about you, and they don’t judge you for it. They embrace the fact that you made mistakes in your life, you no longer want to live that way, and you want to do what you can to change. Within a span of months, you feel like you have known them for years. These people become better friends than people you have known your whole entire life. There is something about making a connection with others that turns your life around for good. And that happens very quickly. I remember having a few good friends who you make sacrifices to help me growing up, but most of my “friends” were just acquaintances and when I was in a tough spot and needed help, they weren’t there. (I can’t blame them I was that way too, if I couldn’t see the value in it for me, then why would I go do it?) These accountability partners are, and from the start.
It’s a lot easier to get through challenges in life when you have others to pick you up when you are down. Finding friends, church members, close family that you can turn to, to help keep you away from lust is key. Lust hates the light, and the opposite of addiction is connection. When we open up and get honest about our struggles we connect with another human and the urge and desire to lust go away.
Getting support and someone who is willing to listen is key. I would recommend many different people and also men that are going through a similar struggle as you having a hard time corralling lust.
Hopefully you may have had 1 or 2 people of faith in your life that you could count on. But getting a few people to check in with regularly that will keep you accountable goes a long way in keeping you sober. *if you could do it yourself you would’ve done it already* There’s a special connection with others who can understand our pain and struggles, you learn so much sharing with others and listening to what they are dealing with too.
The best thing about groups is going to see who you identify with, the pain is equally shared, your upbringings are similar, what you struggle with is the same. Finding people who you can connect with 1 on 1 and talk to will really help you in this journey. You start off with 1 or 2 people and stay there for a while. Then you grow and connect with as many people as you can.
It’s nice to have people who are in the same boat as you that continue to help you strive to stay sober and to become a better person.
Sponsorship
With a sponsor you have someone that you check in with daily. That person is able to help you navigate through the daily challenges of life and the struggles that you have. All we ever wanted was someone who would listen to us without judgement. In a sponsor you have that, as well as someone who can gently guide you down the right path of recovery.
A good sponsor can change your life. They have been there and done that. Those problems you are struggling with today, they have walked that path too. It’s nice to have a personal check in that is there to focus on just you and how you are feeling. I have gained so many tools from my sponsor that have helped restore my marriage. Then I got to connect with my sponsors sponsor and learned even more things that have really helped me turn my life around
My sponsor changed my life. It helped that my sponsor also had a wife and was a year ahead of me. I recommend getting someone who can relate to where you are at in life. My sponsor’s first comment he made to me was you better call me tomorrow. Who the heck was this guy telling me what to do! The rage boiling up inside, don’t tell me what to do I know what I am doing. It turned out that was just what I needed because the person on the other end helped me navigate through so many challenges and struggles within myself and with my wife. About 7 months into my recovery, he told me about recovery being 1A/1B. Like a really good goalie tandem in hockey. I was 1A. My wife 1B. What that meant is I had to put just as much focus and energy on her as I did my recovery. How the heck was I going to do that? That advice probably saved my marriage. The minute recovery became about us, instead of about me, things began to change. It was now we instead of I. Us instead of me. Finally, my wife could see the changes in me because I was finally able to start seeing her.
A sponsor will help change your life. A personal guide from god, that can understand all the pain and struggles that you are going through. Then direct you in the right direction
Good luck finding a sponsor and accountability partners to help your journey.
God Bless.