Prior to recovery, I spent at least 3 hours a day on anything sports related. Since I didn’t have god in my life I would use sports to fill that void. (when i wasn’t acting out). I needed something to entertain me. If it was my team, then sometimes that would be 6 hours or more a day. 3 hours reading about whats going to happen for the game and then 3-4 hours for the game itself.
I get frustrated watching a team dominate all season and yet its go time and it looks like these guys who make Millions of dollars a year are coasting. Like they are thinking about the tee time next week. When I think about it from a human level, at what point when you make X amount of dollars do you lose that drive, that passion. For the everyday working people like you and me we don’t have that luxury. Imagine signing a 100 million dollar contract you don’t need to work another day in your life. Meanwhile the fans who spend all the time effort and passion on these teams pay for this performance but can you blame the players who are human as well too.
I’ve had a few thoughts recently as the playoffs have been going on. Why am I getting upset when they are finally losing? When my team wins (unless its a blowout) why do I feel relief? Shouldn’t I be feeling joy and gratitude? I’m placing myself in a lose lose situation because I cannot enjoy the games anymore. I’m either angry when they lose, or stressed out and anxious when they win close games. What happened to sports are supposed to be fun?
I don’t know the exact root cause behind all of this. Maybe I have attached myself to my team and if they lose that means I’m not good either. Either way I have a very unhealthy attachment.
I was lucky enough to watch my team win a championship a few years back, and what was crazy to me is that after winning, you’d think I would feel euphoria and excitement. Instead the feelings were like that is it? Congrats your team won, but you have to work the next day and nobody cares. All the long nights of staying up till 2am watching overtimes and losing sleep. Prioritizing this sports team over my health, even over my family at times.
I couldn’t recognize it until after they had won but this obsession with this team took full priority in my life. I couldn’t stay up a little late to pray or read, no I needed my sleep, but if my team was playing till 2am that was okay to miss sleep for. It was okay to allow a team and a game to create emotional roller coasters that affected my moods.
I thought about something the other day as my team choked. Can I accept Gods will with this? Thats what surrender is all about. God is in control and this is what he wants to happen. But can I just accept the fact that I thought this team would win it all but, Its not happening.
As I am processing this all, I am realizing that my relationship with this team is unhealthy, its taken priority over family and God and my relationship with it needs to shift. My time with it needs to shift. I need to get to a place where I can enjoy it and appreciate the fact that I get to watch regardless of the outcome because thats what it should be. It should be about fun and the time you spent. Not winning at all costs.
My sports addiction is no different from my lust addiction. Always need to win and get what I want every time. Its crazy that its taken me this long to finally process that. But I wanted to share with all the other sports fans that deal with heartache every year. This relationship needs to change and I need to accept that.
There shall be no other Gods before me. This could be god nudging me back to him as a reminder that he’s God, not my team.
God Bless!
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