As a former addict my first and only priority was acting out. So even though there are many other important things in my life, I would be willing to push them to the side to get my fix and allow the feelings and the heat of the moment erase all logic and reason. I’d give into those passions and it caused a lot of destruction.
So what I need to do in recovery is create a list (it can be small) of what are my priorities in life:
1. Wife
2. God (should be #1 but its a journey)
3. Kids
4. Providing for the family
5. Being Honest
6. Recovering and staying sober
In those moments where I am tempted to act out, I can pull up this list of priorities and things that I value above all else and remind myself that this is what really matters. Not the 30 seconds of pleasure and pain relief that i will get from acting out. (not to mention the amount of time it takes to get to that point).
What are yours? Where does your wife fall?
I’m not sure if it’s because I have spent the overwhelming majority of my life making decisions that were not all that good for me or others, but my priorities have been myself. Once you get married and have kids that cycle is so difficult to break. But I set up an index card that lists my priorities and slogans that help me when things get tough. Before reacting because I don’t know how, I can look at that and say given this situation who’s my #1 priority and how does my choice here effect that. Also what slogan can I use here to help me get through this situation.
Sometimes a constant reminder is needed to help focus on what is actually important in life. I still need that years into recovery. Starting each day with a list of this is whats actually important to me and then being able to focus on other things in life will take you far.
I think its really hard not to act on impulse or emotions when they occur. In the initial stages of recovery I had a job where I didn’t need to be attending to my phone or email every second. I also didn’t have any kids. It was a lot easier for me to surrender and to take things slower in life, when problems and issues came up I had the ability to take my time to think how to respond. Since then I have a job that requires my attention to the second, and its very competitive, so if I use the bathroom for example it can lead to the company losing thousands of dollars if I do not stay on top of it.
I mention that because even though my current Job supports my family, its not always the best for my health. I have to work alot harder now to not react emotionally or make insanely fast decisions outside of work because my 8 hr per day programming is doing the opposite of what I want to in recovery. On top of the programming that has taken place in my addictive mind since I was younger.
Today I can add another priority, slow down and process. Think don’t act.
God Bless! Best of luck with your priority list.
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